BrighterDays

A hike down a mountain side through dense forest and thick brush tired me from seeing what was coming up next. The season is spring and the air, still crisp, is warming. So much my focus has been on where to put my next step in hopes I don’t trip over tangled forest floor that I don’t look up until well into the clearing. The wind picks up and lifts my chin to the clouds in a blue sky only moments ago was a speckled lace of tree branch and leaf. The movement is fluid yet slow and growing larger as the white hills above imitate the rocky landscape below. It’s when I look ahead where I see colors deviating from the infinite shades of green and brown I’ve grown accustomed to. Even then, greens are vivid and inviting along with a chorus of neatly shaped petals flashing their color in the wind and sunlight. I never wanted to be lost, yet I hope to never escape the rainbow of textured greens flowing off the horizon. The air translates the scene into a scent complex and smooth but always fresh and unique with ever breath. I finally step forward again, but this time looking down, ahead, around, up, and behind taking in the world I couldn’t imagine stepping into. Energy rushes through me and I run following the waves of the wind.

I think of the mountain and the ridge I came down knowing a place like this couldn’t exist without the a mountain to create a valley of lush beauty and flowing life. I am thankful.

I arrived just before sunrise. She said she’d be late. I didn’t mind. Patience is something I’ve come to know quite well.

Having an entire beach for sunrise isn’t something I enjoy often. The sky was beginning to brighten and change to a warmer hue. Sitting on the moist sand, I prepared for the dawn. The waves were calm and the sun rose with golden light casting violet shadows on the fluffy clouds. I snapped a photo with my phone in hopes to remind myself later of what i just saw.

I should do this again, I though to myself.

An engine was heard in the distance behind me. I broke away from my gaze and looked at the approaching vehicle.

A few weeks had passed since the last time we saw each other. We planned to spend the morning together alone and catch up.

“I’ve really missed you,” her voice echoed in my head the conversation we last had on the phone. My memory tried to convince me she meant it.

As she pulled up I caught a faint glimpse of her face through the windshield. The reflection of the rising sun glared at me from her car. Her door opened and she stepped out the same way I remember her. Bits of memories flashed through my mind. I greeted her warmly as she walked up. We exchanged hugs and smiles. Familiarity was in the air.

We spent the rest of the morning sitting in a sand-made bench relaxing and sharing stories of our separate lives carefully excluding anything potentially negative. Mostly, we were able to complete each others thoughts leaving many sentences incomplete. Our converging thoughts kept a rhythm we only knew with a perfect balance between silence and speech and smile and cognition. Moments were hours and hours moments. Lost were our selves in the world of reminiscent ideas and dreams. The afternoon came too swiftly.

Knowing this wouldn’t be the last time we shared time together, I continued to doubt the continuance of the feelings enrapturing us. It was time that stood in between filtering and purging of all notions impossible and improbable. I knew the longer we were detached physically the weeds of reality would set in and choke our incomprehensible world we believed in. The world where we were together exclusive of anything separable.

We both could not stay for much longer. She opted for a short walk along the shore on the edge of the sea. Our conversation was quiet as we both knew this was our last time we would spend here. I focused on the feeling of her next to me as I held her. The smoothness of her skin and the tickling of her hair on my arm. I let everything pause as I tried to save this memory. Shortly after, we arrived back at our vehicles. It was a sobering sight.

Our goodbyes were terse with a small overlay or hope and happiness. I did not regret our time spent. We hugged, she held my hand, kissed my cheek, turned away, and entered her car and drove away. I smiled slightly, letting the feeling sink in. I looked back at our tracks in the sand as they slowly vanished underneath the incoming surf. I knew we’d meet again, but would it be the same?

Focus on the little pieces and let the bigger picture come together naturally. When you try and focus on the overall goal you realize you don’t have the right pieces and limit yourself from enjoying or making the right choices in the small run. As you focus on the little things it creates an image not thought of by your mind but shaped through the decision you make and small goals you achieve. You realize that an outcome you thought would be ideal is vastly in-superior to the quality of what was created by taking the small chances at life and not worrying about the future.

Air rushes through my gaping mouth and my eyelids turn red from the sun shining through them as I broke the surface. I dare not open them for water was still spilling over my face. The sun gradually released it’s power against my face, warming my skin as the film of water beaded into drops off my chin. I open my eyes slightly to see a twinkle of the bright sphere through my still wet eyelashes. I wince and close them again but quickly open them fully to face the overpowering star.

Everything is white and I let out sigh.

–

I didn’t realize a rushing stream a few feet deep could sweep me off my feet. I was hiking a mountain trail through thick green wood stepping over freshly fallen pine needles. A few miles in, I came upon a small stream leading away from a glorious waterfall. The air was slightly cooler near the waters and filled with the sound of turbulent war between liquids and solids. It wasn’t as pleasing as I had hoped. Just further ahead was my destination, a small overlook that broke through the impenetrable forest.

Fish eased by as I peered into the crystal flow. The creek bed felt closer to me than it was. I stepped forward to the edge. Twisting, I stepped with my right foot past the bank and into the bitter water. Just as I reached the bottom, the weak rooted grass crumbled beneath my left foot and into the water. My arms were reaching to the clouds hoping grasp their billowy faces when my face was washed with the waters surface.

Everything was black and I held my breath.

–

I looked over to my rescuer and asked, “How did you know?”

“I know myself.” She replied staring at me with eyes I could feel in my soul.

I lost track of how long I’ve been running. The trees look the same as when I started, yet it feels as if I’m miles away. Each step pounding in the final nail of my decision. I can’t turn back now. Not with what I left behind waiting for me. I must continue on. I must not stop.

My thoughts were unfolding as the path in front of me broke free from the wood. Why is it so easy to breathe now that I’m away from the dark lifeless monoliths? The air is light and around me an expanse of waist high grass damp from the morning dew swayed in wind.

Slowing to a walk, cresting a hill, I cut off into field towards a lone tree. The sun is high and I need shade. My body feels light and my mind drifts off swiftly once lay in the shade.

Awake, I arise.

“I hope it was a dream,” I say to myself. Leaning against the tree, I look at the sky through the web of branches. My chest lowers with a sigh. I look back at the direction I came from and see the trodden path I made in the grass. “Maybe it wasn’t,” I whisper as I push off from the tree and take a few steps forwards into the sunlight. “I guess this is what I have now.”

Walking away, I wonder what I really escaped from.