Semester in Review pt. 3
This person I was with was pretty cool. She was fun to be with and for the short time we were together had a lot of fun. It still doesn’t mean I was supposed to be with her, so she left. When she did it finally made me realize the loss of having a someone close.
I can say that the emotions I was experiencing was from the total loss of a partner. I had never grieved over my previous ex because I replaced her. I finally did. It was a very tough time for me and made me think about what was going to happen next. I didn’t have a plan and I really had no idea what to do.
It was the beginning of April when I began searching for myself. I was always used to having someone but now the only thing I had was myself. I had glimpses of who I was when I would hang out with my close friends but that was rare. I had to find myself again. The first thing I did was try and reconnect lost friendships and bring back memories that could remind me of my true self.
I began to hang out with my best friend Blake more often, which is now usually twice a week. We would talk a lot about what I was going through over cups of coffee at 1 AM at IHOP. It helped. This helped identify what kind of person I was and what Deb had changed that I needed to get fixed. So I had a pretty good starting point.
A big problem was self-confidence. Deb had broken me down pretty hard and I needed to get back up. That took some work and up to now I’m doing pretty well. I opened myself up to people and took in their reactions to let myself be more comfortable with myself. I realized that I’m not as bad as I had perceived myself.
The biggest change was my friends. I had none. I had single friends here and there but no groups or circle. This is when I decided to join a church since my faith has been lacking the past years. Along with this I joined the college group at the church and met a ton of great people. These were the people I needed to be around. It surprised me how open and inviting they were to me. I felt I was in the right place. I knew these were going to be my friends and from them I’ll create close friends and maybe even a best friend.
Immediately I jumped in and was active in most every group activity. I didn’t hold back anything and just went all-in in hopes of finding a new home. I told myself to just try and to not miss any chances. This boosted my social skills and I made some awesome friends. In two months I already feel like one of them.
It feels great to have a caring groups of friends now. It’s something I never really had. And with this I found myself not defined by who I was with but by the choices I made and the people I chose to be with.


